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Have you become the Invisible Woman?

Women are bombarded everyday with messages of selflessness and sacrifice.  We learn pretty early that being a good wife and mother means that we always put our family first, which inevitably puts us right square in the back of the line.  We hear women commended everyday for being selfless and putting the needs of others before her own, as it there is nothing better that she could do.    

There’s no doubt about it, that we women are the nurtures of the family, home, church and even the planet.  But what happened here? When did service become about sacrifice?  As a mother myself I know that it requires a certain level of sacrifice.  The sacrifice that gives me joy that there are people in my life that I love so much that I would give up anything for.  The sacrifice I choose to make, not that I’m expected to make.  This is the joy and fulfillment of family…done in balance.   

But ladies, dare I say we’ve lost sight of what that sacrifice means?  I know I did.  I took selflessness to the umpteenth degree.  Putting my family constantly first so that I could be the good wife, the good mother and I lost myself.  I became the Invisible Woman, always available to my children and my husband.  My worth became dependent on the happiness of my family.  I believed that having healthy happy children depended on my level of availability.

Rarely did I allow time for myself, if ever.  And when I did I felt guilty and they had no problem laying on the guilt trip either.  “Where were you?” they would ask in a whiney little voice, “I missed you so much.”  And the guilt would set in.  I came to believe that taking time for my own joy just wasn’t worth the guilt I felt when I came back or the messiness I would invariably come home to.  Besides who doesn’t love to be needed and missed so much?  It just feels good!

But after time it becomes too much.  Being the Invisible Woman means never having any needs or desires and if you do the family doesn’t know how to handle it.  “What”, they say, “mom wants to take a bath?”  “But I neeeeed something to eat, NOW”.  Eventually, because we have denied ourselves for so long the family denies us too.  Resentment and exhaustion set in, soon to be followed by depression and anxiety.  The Invisible Woman has arrived.  

For many women the depression and anxiety manifest into physical illness and we just can’t give any more.  It leaves me to wonder if this is the only reprieve a woman allows herself and the illness becomes a welcomed friend.  Finally she can be taken care of.   

If I had a dime for every woman who has told me that she doesn’t even know what she wants anymore, I would be a rich woman.  Our selflessness becomes our slow and painful death.  The worse part is we’ve been administering our own poison all along.   

Having grown children, I learned that my self sacrifice served no one, not the kids, not my marriage and certainly not me.  It actually did the opposite.  The more I sacrificed the more resentful and unhappy I became and the guiltier I felt.  It became a cycle.  I would get angry and snap at the kids, then I would feel guilty and give them anything they wanted (which I resented), so I would get angry and snap at the kids. Around and around it would go.   

What did the kids learn from my self sacrifice?  That mom’s don’t have feelings, moms don’t have interests, that it’s mom’s job to make them happy and if she doesn’t then she’s a bad mom.  I still have two boys at home, so I’m still around a lot of mom’s who are doing a lot of sacrificing.  The results are the same unhappy, stressed out women whose kids lack respect and consideration for mom.  My heart breaks when I see how the children are allowed to walk over mom as she whines to them to please sit still and behave.  

I can see clearly how our intent to be the good mother through sacrifice as actually done just the opposite.  It has robbed not only us but our family of the whole person a mother can be.  When we fill our well, so to speak, with the activities that nourish our soul we have so much more to offer those we love.  The Invisible Woman is not the good mother.  Stop fooling yourself and start filling your well.  Bless your family with the Divine Woman you are and give from the fullness of your well (heart). 

Now my children know me as a human with needs and wants.  They know me as a woman who will make time for my needs and wants.  The message is that I matter as much as they matter and they respect me it.  I have learned after years of over the top self sacrifice that I can have it all, all at once.  I learned that I can mother from a sense of wholeness.  I am proud to say that I have become Visible Woman and I’m a better mother for it.  

You can have it ALL, all at ONCE!

Come be Visible! 

In Love and Light,

Michelle  

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The Divine Feminine and…Pole Dancing?

I’ve been talking a lot about the Divine Feminine.  I love the phenomenon that is taking place right now with women.  Conversations with girlfriends are testament to the fact that the way we choose to express ourselves is changing. We are finding our power in places that previously were forbidden; at least according to society.

 One of those places is on…..well….the pole.  I say that in jest…sort of.  As women we are taking back our powerful sensual side and what better place than in pole dancing classes.  I’ll admit I had been intrigued by the idea of pole dancing for a few years. It wasn’t until a girlfriend invited me to go to an introductory class with her that I actually got to give it a shot. 

Wow! Let me tell you, I FELL IN LOVE……. though not instantly.  I was very aware of how self-conscious I was to even put my hand on the pole.  It just felt wrong.  I have never really considered myself to be sexy or seductive.  And as I grow and get to know myself more I realize that I believed that a choice had to be made between being sexy or being smart and taken seriously. Surely no woman could be both!  It could be that I was born during the height of the radical feminist movement, (I don’t know, it’s a theory).

I was completely aware that just grasping the pole felt awkward and a little dirty too.   The truth is women are sensual and seductive beings and should not feel awkward or dirty. Its part of who we are and a rightful expression of ourselves.

But our history tells women that to be sensual or seductive is bad.  If we look back on our religious beginnings we find two main types of women in the Bible, the Virgin Mary and Mary Magdalene the whore; (which, by the way, she was not and the 2nd Vatican validated that in 1969).  As women those have been our two choices.  I know that there are other women in the Bible but these are the two who are most talked about and the archetypes that still remain pervasive. 

To this day we are still faced with the sexual double standard of women being sluts if they have multiple intimate partners and men being cool for having the same.  This is changing because women are stepping up and not allowing such double standards.  You can even watch the Toronto “slut walk” on YouTube.  This event was born as a result of a Toronto police officer announcing that women needed to stop dressing like sluts if rape was to be prevented.  The “slut walkers”, women and men, demonstrate change is occurring.  We are not accepting the status quo. 

Back to the pole, it felt odd….. and wrong.  During our introductory course we had the opportunity to meet the other students and learn why they were there. Every woman was there for herself, to improve her confidence and to allow herself some “me” time. My girlfriend, who had been attending the classes for several weeks, stated that it had been the best thing she had ever done for herself!  I thought that was amazing.  You know that my passion and purpose is all about self-esteem and self-love. I just never thought pole dancing could play such a major role.

 It’s all about reclaiming our sexuality and our sensuality.  From time immemorial our sexuality has been used against us. As we reclaim our power (and embrace the pole) that can no longer happen.  It’s been a confusing journey for both women and men. 

  The completion of that one ninety minute class left me feeling liberated; even though some awkwardness was still evident.  The liberation came from finally giving myself PERMISSION to be sexy, seductive; and still expecting to be taken seriously. This truly is powerfully feminine, powerfully seductive, and powerfully sensual. 

Christie Simmons is owner of Express MiE Fitness and Beauty in Tempe www.expressmie.com.  Her programs are classy, sensual and safe places to learn to embrace the sassy, sexy, powerfully feminine you. 

“In my signature Pole~ah~Tease class I’ve brought the best of all feminine forms of dance together to create something soft and beautiful, yet raw and real.” Christie Simmons.

To learn more about Christie’s story and how Express MiE came about you can visit www.expressmie.com/about/why-is-mie/

Powerfully Feminine,

Michelle Lee

PS.  They offer ExpressMiE bucks.  When you go in ask for a referral card fill in my name and we both save $7 on our classes.  See there! 😉

You know, it wasn’t that long ago that I “woke-up” and realized that the life that I had created was not at all what I had envisioned for myself nor was it what I thought I had been actively creating.  After moving through the incredible disappointment, depression and even a crisis of faith, I realized that the Universe never lies.  I finally remembered that somewhere within my subconscious were the beliefs that ultimately kept me creating what I DIDN’T want.  So I  began my process of self exploration, that I have taken hundreds of clients through, to discover what stories I was believing that ultimately prevented me from realizing my dream life.

What I learned is that some stories can be so pervasive that we think they are truth. Not only that, but we may even consider them strengths. 

Let me ask you 

            -are you disappointed about any part of your life?

            -do you feel regret, shame or guilt about your  relationships, money or health?

            -are you afraid it’s too late to realize your dreams?

            -Are you settling? 

            -Do you keep creating what you don’t want?

From the bottom of my heart, I want you to know that you don’t have to live this way anymore.  Despite your disappointments and frustration you can let go and move forward stronger and more confident than ever to finally create what you DO want. 

I feel so strongly about this that I’m offering a FREE Self-Perception Make-over session. 

In your Self Perception Make-over you will:

  – Receive a Free 30-minute telephone session 

  -Discover YOUR #1 story that’s preventing you from realizing your dreams

  -Learn practical action steps to creating a clean emotional state and a new beginning 

If you’re interested in having a free session please answer the following questions, copy and paste them into an e-mail and send them to me at michelle@michellelee.us.  I will get back to you within 24 hours to schedule your free session. 

In Love and Light,

Michelle Lee 

APPLICATION: 

Full Name:                                                              E-mail Address 

What do you want to create in your life that you haven’t? (relationship, writing a book, business, etc.) 

On a scale of 1-10 how confident are you that you can create it? (10 most confident) 

How do you feel about not creating this? (guilt, shame, etc) 

What do you think is holding you back from creating it? 

Are you willing to shift your perception about it?


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Radical Self Forgiveness 

As you know I’ve been writing and speaking about the Divine Feminine a lot lately.  I always make a point to explain that this is a Feminine that we haven’t known before. It’s the Powerful Feminine. I’m not talking about women owning their power through masculine energies which is what we began to do during the feminist movement.  The Divine Feminine is about embracing our womanhood and being empowered through it.  Then we can actually become the Feminine Face of God.

You cannot fully express your Feminine Face of God if you continue to live your life under the guise of a limited being or as God’s afterthought.  You must be willing to give up the definitions of yourself that have been passed down generation through generation. 

This requires an honest understanding of our personal and our collective past and to forgive ourselves for it.  Until this is done the past  will continue to be your source of excuses to not Be Your Brilliance. 

Being Your Brilliance is about living to your highest potential, which requires that you give up the responsibility of everyone else’s happiness and accept the responsibility of your own.  You will have to release the idea of living up to anybody’s expectations other than yours.  You will have to break free from the box that you have allowed others and yourself to place you in.  Don’t wait for permission; you’re not going to get it.  Permission must come from you. 

You will never be able to do any of these things until you practice Radical Self Forgiveness.  There is absolutely no room for guilt when you are Being Your Brilliance.  As long as you have any sense of guilt whether conscious or subconscious (which most is subconscious) you will never have the life you long for, or used to long for, if you’ve already given up on the possibility of it.  Many women have given up.  They just accept where they are often too exhausted from doing too much for others and not enough for herself, all the while feeling even guiltier for being exhausted.   

Radical Self Forgiveness only happens when you can look at every experience you’ve had and deem it a blessing by seeing the gift that was born of it.  It’s giving up the idea that the past could have been or even should have been any different.  Guilt always leads to punishment.  Not punishment from another, no that’s unnecessary because you will subconsciously punish yourself by deflecting much of the joy, freedom, prosperity and love that is yours by Divine Right. You will continue to see yourself as “small” and unworthy.  

Forgive Yourself and Be Your Brilliance! 

Powerfully Feminine, 

Michelle Lee, CH

www.michellelee.us

Being a student of metaphysics for more than 25 years now, I’m a firm believer that we create our own experiences and reality.  I’m incredibly optimistic and resilient, always expecting “things” to improve.  

The past two years have not been easy.  The recent state of the economy and my own experience of loss in addition to reaching my 40’s provided a less than pleasant opportunity to evaluate my youthful dreams and desires and what had become at the time my current state of affairs.  It was difficult to observe the glaring contrast that was reflected.   

For as long as I can remember my intent was to create my greatest desires.  I believe deeply in the power of the mind and that what we desire God desires for us.  But my life did not at all reflect what I “thought” I had been moving toward creating.  In my darkest of moments I thought that God had forsaken me and that the Universe was playing a cruel joke on me.  My mental response as I looked over my current state of affairs was “Are you !#$*ing kidding me?”

Warning: If you are sensitive to language you may want to stop reading now as that phrase is a theme here and will be repeated.   

For instance, I desperately (perhaps desperately is a key word here) wanted to marry the love of my life, have children, share grandchildren and happily grow older together. You know, one man, many children (so I would have lots of grandchildren)…Simple.  

Instead I created multiple marriages and multiple divorces and now what appears to be no chance of the “ideal” family I had always wanted.   It begged the question… 

“Are you !#$*ing kidding me?” 

And… 

I have believed in that “soul-mate” or “twin-flame” relationship, the kind that you experience a “soul connection” and it just feels like you were “made for each other”.   I believed whole-heartedly that it would be available to me when I was healthy enough to receive that kind of “higher” love.  

But what I created (or attracted), was vastly different.  I thought I met him only to painfully realize that he was mentally and emotionally ill and not even close to being capable of a healthy relationship. Talk about heart break!  

Which begged the question…  

“Are you !#$*ing kidding me? 

I have several “Are you !#$*ing kidding me experiences and moments that I can now see the gifts and humor in, some trivial, but funny and others profoundly ironic and the greatest sources of my growth.  I will write in detail of these experiences in the coming weeks and together we can laugh.  But my point for now is for you to understand that your conscious desires are always trumped by what you subconsciously believe to be true of you.  

 Although I consciously knew what I wanted I created what I internally or subconsciously believed myself worthy of.  (You may want to read that sentence again). 

I know that my journey has created the woman I am (and I happen to like that woman).  I found myself at a crossroads.  I could judge my journey as a failure, blame myself and live my life in guilt and shame.  Instead I chose radical self-forgiveness and I decided to love myself despite the crap I had created!  I don’t apologize for my past, nor do I apologize for my presence, instead I celebrate ME!   

I have begun again…now alot wiser and much more confident!  And quite frankly even more deeply in love…with myself.  

I invite you to join me in celebrating the woman you have become and love yourself despite the crap!  🙂 

Your Sister in Self Love,

Michelle

www.michellelee.us  

PS.  I also discovered how my greatest attributes of optimism and resilience became my greatest weaknesses.  Stay tuned…